Feb. 27, 2012
Leap year only comes once every four years so we should make the best of it. Let’s make it lite this year. Not that lite though—better include some old man grumps.
Three weeks ago I paid our annual property taxes. Ouch. Like many retired people one of the few pleasures we have is taking our Cardigan Corgi for a walk. One of our favorite spots for the daily dog walk is the campus of Madison Area Technical College. One of my favorite daily grumps is seeing the shuttle bus (often empty) ferrying students and teachers from a nearby parking lot to the main campus. Jeepers! It would only be a three or four block walk for these strong young folks. I don’t mind paying high taxes for the education of youth (especially in Technical Colleges which I hold in high favor) but do I also have to pay extra for this contribution to obesity?
It may be that in her Parade magazine column Marilyn vos Savant had the best answer to this old man grump. A reader from Delaware asked how do you reply to a father who complains about the luxury of school busing and says that, “life was so hard for him while growing up that he had to walk 5 miles to school uphill both ways.”
Her answer, “You might try telling him how happy you are that life for him was such an improvement. In your grandfather’s day, it was also always snowing. And when your great-grandfather was young, he also had no shoes!”
This is not really an old man’s grump but just a word of thanks to my good friend and strong-hands dentist for removing an aching molar from my mouth last week. The bacteria that caused the ache seemed to be also dispersed and defeated at last. But then as he pointed out, and as I read in a NY Times report, “researchers recently found 37 new species of bacteria thriving between teeth and gum. The research brings the total known species of oral wildlife to about 500, some of which are permanent residents while other may just be passing through.” Ouch. Yuck. Is there any hope?
A few years ago a devaluation of the currency in Mexico was causing concern in El Paso, Texas. A reporter decided to see what six-year-olds thought of this. He went to a first grade class and recorded some of their opinions:
“The peso devaluation is something in Mexico. It’s in the comics. You can look at the pictures if you can’t read Spanish.” Adam Yardeni.
“The peso devaluation is a kind of wine. It looks black or blue. It tastes very sour. You can buy it in any store. Only parents can drink it.” Leonard Burnham.
“The peso devaluation is a game Mexican children play. They play it with spinning tops. The use pesos instead of pennies.” Rachel Amar.
“The peso devaluation is something I never heard of. I can’t imagine what it is. If you really want to know, ask my dad.” Josh Gordon.
“The peso devaluation? I couldn’t go there. I was absent.” Ysa Shapiro.
Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart and Bill Maher take delight in skewering conservatives. The writer P. J. O’Rourke turns the delight on progressive liberals with books like Give War a Chance and Holidays in Hell: In Which Our Intrepid Reporter Travels to the World’s Worst Places and Asks, “What’s Funny About This”. In the latter book he travelled as “international affairs desk chief” for Rolling Stone magazine. “Each American Embassy comes with two permanent features—a giant anti-American demonstration and a giant line for American visas. Most demonstrators spend half their time burning Old Glory and the other half waiting for green cards.”
Are we alone in the universe?
If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, why do they keep abducting the dumbest people on earth?
Best beware of farmer’s markets this coming spring:
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule to remember when spring does come:
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Advice for elders in any season:
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
More advice for elders:
Never take life seriously. We’re all dead in the long run.
Advice for those who do take life too seriously:
A day without sunshine is like, night.
43.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Borrow money from a pessimist. They don’t expect to get it back.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; the steal from many is research.
If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.
A Luddite is a person who hates factories and destroys machinery. The name comes from a real person, Ned Ludd, who was an apprentice in Yorkshire, England. In an attack on William Cartright’s mill a follower of Ludd was mortally wounded. A nearby clergyman stooped over him hoping to get names of other confederates. “Can you keep a secret?” the dying man asked. “Yes, I can,” said the clergyman. “So can I,” replied the man as he died.
Sorry, but I can’t resist adding a political gem to this potpourri. This quote is from Arthur Laffer, the supply-side economist Ronald Reagan liked and followed, and the one that progressives scorn and denounce. The quote is from an article titled “How to Fight Black Unemployment.”
“Some people actually believe government can create jobs by taxing and borrowing from people with jobs and then giving that money to people without jobs. They call this demand stimulus. To make matters worse, other people think these demand-stimulus ideas warrant a serious response.”
Happy leap year.
Bill Stonebarger, Owner/President Hawkhill
P.S. We decided to extend our January and February sale of Hawkhill DVDs into spring (until Easter to be exact). Dirt cheap still. $9.50 apiece for programs to entertain and educate. You have another month to take advantage of the bargains.